I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know, everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold....

This Kid Cudi song makes so much sense to me right now:

Crush a bit, little bit, roll it up, take a hit
Feelin’ lit feelin’ light, 2 am summer night.
I don't care, hand on the wheel, drivin drunk, I'm doin’ my thing
Rollin the Midwest side and out livin’ my life getting’ out dreams
People told me slow my road I'm screaming out fuck that
Imma do just what I want lookin’ ahead no turnin’ back
if I fall if I die know I lived it to the fullest
if I fall if I die know I lived and missed some bullets

I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold
I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good.

Tell me what you know about dreamin’ dreamin’
you don't really know about nothin’ nothin’
tell me what you know about them night terrors every night
5 am, cold sweats wakin’ up to the skies
tell me what you know about dreams, dreams
tell me what you know about night terrors, nothin’
you don't really care about the trials of tomorrow
rather lay awake in a bed full of sorrow

I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold
I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good

My fucking AMAZING friends back home made me a video today to cheer me up. It brought a tear to my eye and a smile to my face. I fucking love them so much and I miss them more than anything. I'm still having a tough time here and I've definitely been having my ups and downs. This is without a doubt a learning experience for me, I'm learning to cope with the low times. The last few years I've been the happiest of happy people, I had the whole world in my hands, I felt.... wait I KNEW that I could do whatever I wanted, I could have whatever I wanted. I was unstoppable. I had an enviable life. I busted my ass to get where I was and I was happy. I never realized it till now how good I had it. Although it lacked adventure (some would argue this) so now here I am, living in Turkey, sad. But I asked for this, and I was given this opportunity for a reason. I WANTED this, I CHOSE this so now I have to live with it. I'm not going to take the easy way out, I'm not ready to give up. I have Can't Stop Won't Stop TATTOOED on my wrists for a reason. It's gotten me this far in my mere 24 nearly 25 years on this planet and it's going to get me even further in the next 25 years to come.

FUCK YOU WORLD FOR TRYING TO DRAG ME DOWN.

I'm going to kick the shit out of this life and have the most amazing time doing it. I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know, everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold. Damn Cudi, you're brilliant.

Maybe this time I'll be bulletproof....

10 weeks in.

I've been in Turkey for 10 weeks and I've been part of Jet Set Zero for 10 weeks. I spend 9 hours a day in a travel agency, I make $4 an hour.

Life is not hard, but it's so much easier in Canada.

I miss my bed, I miss Kwyjibo, I miss my boy, I miss my family and I miss my friends. Last time I left home, I was gone for 4 months. Last time I straight vacationed and I had a pile of money and I knew when I was going to be home and I didn't miss home at all. I'm having a much harder time this time around. Could also be because Istanbul isn't that cool. It is to visit for a week or something, but to be here for 2 and a half months with 2 more to go... it's a little much.

I just want to cry. I haven't felt this shitty about life in a long time. It's funny because I wanted to leave Canada to experience the world and now here I am and I hate it. I'm not ready to give up yet though. This is only the first destination, I know there are beautiful things in the world to see, unfortunately they're not in Istanbul.

For the first time in my life I'm just going through the motions of life. This is what I never understood about people back home, how they just go through the motions and accept it. And here I am, 15,000kms away from home going through the motions.

How is it possible that this is the worst I've felt in years now that I'm finally living my dream?

I've got some scattered pictures lying on my bedroom floor, reminds me of the times we shared....

The following is a list of celebrities I hate:

Chad Kroeger
The cast of the Hills
The stupid bitch from the Rogers commercial (I know she's not a celebrity but she annoys the fuck outta me)
Inspector Gadget
Most of the Calgary Flames

That is all.

These steps I take don't get me anywhere, I'm only getting further from myself...

My have a headache like nobody's business.
I quit my job today.
16 days and I'm out of here.

I also messed up my right knee on Saturday doing some extreme(?) trampolining.
What perfect timing, right before departure.

I'm leaving on a jet plane..... I don't know when I'll be back again....

A million thoughts are racing through my head right now. It's 2:17 am and I have to be at work in the morning and I can't sleep. It's official. I have been chosen to join the cast of Jet Set Zero. I am leaving next month for an undetermined period of time to travel the world. Excitement and fears are all racing through my veins right now. Everything I've dreamed about for so long is finally going to happen and in a way I never though would happen. I'm going to have my entire expedition filmed. I'm trippin out right now.

Check it out.... www.jetsetzero.tv

The rhythm of my heart is beating like a drum, with the words 'I love you' rolling off my tongue....

I guess we can put another one into the failed column....
I've been hurt and disrespected. You've treated me as if I don't have a heart or soul. You've made me your pet and you can go and get fucked.

There is a song for every situation:

"All you did is wreck my bed, and in the morning kicked me in the head.... You've made a first class fool out of me, but I'm as blind as a girl can be, you stole my heart but I love you anyways...."

"I don't like you, but I love you, seems that I'm always thinking of you, oh oh oh you treat me badly, I love you madly, you've really got a hold on me....."

I can only make excuses for so long.

I also forgot how awesome Rod Stewart is.

I'm just gonna take a minute to let it ride, I'm just gonna take a minute to let it breeze....

Fuck you you fucking self righteous piece of shit. Who the fuck do you think you are? Get off your fucking high horse. You're not helping me, you're not my fucking hero, you make my life a pain in the ass. Fucking grow up. I DON'T NEED YOU.

Go give yourself a pat on the back if it makes you feel important.

Fuck you.