Got no need for the fancy things, all the attention that it brings...

This is where I want to be........
I appreciate my TRUE friends a little more each and everyday. Fuck you to the assholes who pretend to be my friend. Fuck you to the people who will sell you down the river in a heartbeat for their own selfish reasons. Fuck you to all the people that I've been there for in the past but couldn't do the same for me. Fuck you to all the people that I've trusted only to prove that they are the ones who breed mistrust. Fuck you to all the insincere people. I'm done with all of you, what good have you done me other than cause me stress and heartbreak. These are people that I once truly cared about, people I would call my family. FUCK YOU ASSHOLES. If this is what our 'friendship' means to you then I rather not be a part.
CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT
Fresh start.
See you fuckers later.

On the bright side, I got a pair of tickets to see Bob Dylan, row 2o suckas! Aoki is back in two weeks, STOKED.

Listen to Santogold.

You know that I could use somebody, someone like you and all you know and how you see...

I really could use somebody.... someone to be my guru. I need to stop trusting all the wrong people, those who are not going to be there for me when I need it.

Why do I love toxic people so much? I'm such a sucker for a cute boy. I can't understand the hot and cold. Either you want me or you don't, make up your fucking mind because I'm not getting any younger. Why do you say things that you don't mean??? I value honesty above all, I love people who are not full of shit and let me know what's up. I hate games....especially the guessing ones (except Guess Who because that game is awesome). I don't appreciate being kept on a leash. FUCK YOU.

FUCK EVERYTHING. I only have one life and I'm going to live it my way.

I can't wait to frolick in the woods with my scotch and my nunchuks. I'm totally going to fight a bear.

Said I want you, just exactly like I used to, and baby this is only bringin me down...

I love how girls think I have some special power over men.... that I can convince them to do whatever I want. Ladies, I got nothing. I can't make him love you, I don't know voodoo nor can I insert subliminal messages in his brain while he sleeps. I will not be the one to tell him that he's making a mistake, I will not try to convince him to be with you. None of this should be necessary, if he wants you he'll be with you. My male friends come to me for advice because they know I'm not going to spew some bullshit, I'm going to be straight up. Listen to your gut, that's all you can do. I can never ever tell anyone what to do because I don't know what is right for them and what is wrong from them. I've learned this through experience. To this day, people still try to tell me what is right for me. Nobody can decide that but me, nobody knows exactly what I'm thinking, feeling or wanting. Hell, even I don't know sometimes.

Right now I know I want something else.

Right now, I wish I was in the woods, in quiet serenity, with a tent and a giant fuck off fire and a scotch on the rocks. I don't know why I'm suddenly craving scotch when I no longer drink.... but damnit, I want one.

Listen to the new Kings of Leon..... it's a beautiful album, you'll probably thank me later.

I've got so much love to give....

So my best friend in the entire world, M, is super pissed off at me right now. The reason? My friend R and I are getting married on Tuesday..... it's a sham wedding so he can get my spouse pass at work. Because I used to work with him and everyone knows us, they know that we're not really a couple, however, if we have a wedding certificate then he can get this stupid pass and we can have our sham wedding annulled. My bestest thinks that I'm making a very very stupid mistake and that I'm going to regret it. Why would I regret it though? Who gives a shit? M told me I clearly did not value marriage and that I shouldn't fuck around with things like that, as if it's the occult. This isn't a real wedding and it's not a real marriage, R and I are going to city hall, we're going to sign some papers, then we'll go to work and he'll get his spouse pass, then we'll sign some more papers to state that this marriage never happened. It's all just paperwork and the only person getting hurt at the end of the day is work. PAPERWORK.

What is a marriage anyways? Does it mean you love the person more just because you signed some papers and had a big party? None of this shit matters. The only thing that matters at the end of the day is how you feel about the other person, how much you love them and the love you share. I'm not sure who ever invented marriage but it isn't and never has really been about love as it's believed to be. It's about legalities. If one day you are lucky enough to meet someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with why is it so important to get married? Marriage can also end in divorce. Marriage is a way to screw your partner in case you ever decide to get divorced.

I may be taking this whole marriage thing lightly, but I don't take love lightly. I will not give my heart away to someone undeserving. I've said it time and time again, I rather be single forever then be with the wrong person for the rest of my life.

Anyways, so that is why M is so pissed at me right now. This whole thing was supposed to be a joke but I've already been reamed out by two of my friends. WHO CARES??? Right now, I'm bummed about a lot of other things going on. My sunny disposition isn't so sunny right now. All I need are my friends by my side, I need someone to help remind me of the wonderful things in life that I love so much. Right now, I feel as though I'm constantly surrounded by assholes and bullshit and the last thing I need is get bitched out by one my favourite people in the world over some ridiculous sham wedding.

I'm also starting to think the boy I have a crush on may not have a crush on me.....

I am desperately seeking peace, not necessarily within myself but with the universe. Please stop fucking with me and show me the beautiful things. I think I need to find a tent and go spend a few nights alone in the woods....

Listen to: Ready for the Floor by Hot Chip
I've Got So Much Love by Bastian Bates (or there is also an alternate version done
by DJ Falcon)
I've Been Thinking by Handsome Boy Modeling School feat. Cat Power

Watch: http://www.vimeo.com/1745897
It's not as amazing as the skate video I posted before, but it's a beautiful video none the less.

Your scene doesn't do anything for me, it doesn't do anything at all...

My heart wont' stop beating. It's nearly 3 am and I'm wide awake even though I need to be at work at 8am. I think I'm finally going to do it, I'm packing up my shit and leaving by February. I'm thinking that I'll do a 1 year contract teaching English in Korea then it's off to India to help build schools, then to Thailand to volunteer in an orphanage then I'll see the rest of South East Asia. Malaysia, Laos, Cambodia, Viet Nam, Indonesia, Phillippines, China.... you name it I'll see it. My original plan was to leave in 18 months after the 2010 winter olympics in Vancouver but I don't know if I can wait that long. I wanted to pay off my debt and save $16K and just straight travel. If I do this thing in Korea, my flight is paid for, my accomodation is paid for, plus I'll be making money so I can continue to pay off what I owe. FUCKING GLORIOUS. I thought I would do it alone, but it looks as though J is coming with. I know I don't know him very well, but we seem to be in the same boat and we seem to be in the same mindset. We're both sick of the bullshit that is city life, we both just want to experience all the wonderful things this world has to offer, I think it will work out pretty good. I need a life changing experience, I need to know that there's more to life than working 8-5 and buying a house, buying a car, getting married and having a couple of kids and living a life of routine. I can't do it. I want to live in a tent on a beach and listen to the waves as I fall asleep each night. I want to live in a tree house deep in the jungle and wake up breathing the freshest air I have ever encountered. I just want to get back to the roots of human existence, I want to go somewhere where it doesn't matter how big your house is or how fast your car is or how many Coach purses you own. I just want to be in a place where the only things that matter are happiness, health, love, good food and good company. Perhaps I'm too much of a dreamer or an idealist. All I want to do is find my utopia.

Listen to Matt Mays.

I'm hoping with chance, you might take this dance, you're my number one guy...

So I know I get teased a lot because I've been told I have a bit of a 'hippy mentality.' Everything is sunshine and rainbows. Life is easy and life is beautiful. People have become so fixated on the things that take away from the beauty and simplicity of life. Whatever happened to revelling in the joy of a sunset or a sunrise, or the way the earth smells after a rainstorm? Why is everything in this life a competition? Why is everything about money all the god damn time? Who has the bigger truck, the more expensive jeans and the bigger engagement ring? WHY DOES ANY OF THIS SHIT MATTER?

I got made fun of the other day in class within my group because we had to come up with a business we would like to run and create and vision and a mission for that business. Without hesitation I suggested snowboard shop, they asked what my vision and mission for this shop would be and I said to get people out there loving it as much as I do. The most important thing to me in my mind is to share my love of the mountains. They all laughed and said yeah ok... you can't make money off spreading the love. Who ever said anything about making money? If I can feed myself, cloth myself and have a place to live and wake up everyday loving what I do and if I'm able to get other people as stoked as I am that is the most important thing. There's that hippy mentality coming out I suppose. Is that so wrong? It sounds to me as though they had it right. Why is everything always about money? WHY?

If it was up to me, all I would ever need was good tunes and good company, and I would just want to see the world and enjoy it for what it is. I do not want to spend my time on the other side of the world shopping, I want to enjoy what the land has to offer. It is easy to find the joy in nearly everything if you allow yourself to find it. I'm hearing the calling of far off lands and I'm getting itchy feet again. So many things to see and places to go!!!

I think I'm beginning to realize why so many people are so miserable. They won't let themselves do the things they want to do. A lot of people are holding back all the time. They don't say what they feel and they don't pursue their dreams. They just fall into this pattern of normalacy and routine because it's so much easier. I suppose I am partially guilty of this, but I love the industry I work in. I love getting people stoked about getting out to the mountains. I love people that pour their heart and emotion into what they do. I have a friend who is a photographer and I think he is absolutely amazing because his love for his art really shines through in his work and I think it's awesome. It's like when you hear a song and it just absolutely tugs at your heartstrings because you know the person that wrote that song meant it from the bottom of their heart.

Strip away the bullshit, see things for what they are. Enjoy the simple things.
Instead of getting drunk out of your mind this weekend, just walk through your city or where ever it is you're from and just enjoy what's around you because it won't last forever.

Today I love:
Sleepyhead by Passion Pit
Ready for the Floor by Hot Chip
and this video:
http://www.vimeo.com/1340684?pg=embed&sec=1340684

Let's get this party started right, let's get drunk and freaky fly, you with me so it's alright....

3 blogs in one day? I'm fucking out of control.... it's been a day of thought for me.

I recently encountered someone that told me that you should plan out as much of your life as possible and try to stick to that. Is it just me or is that ridiculous? You can't plan out your whole damn life! Life happens and it will NEVER EVER follow any preset plan. Each day you'll wake up and how can you possibly know what will happen? You might wake up one morning and get hit by a bus on your way to work, that bus driver may turn out to be your long lost dad, and while enjoying your hospital stay the nurse might turn out to be your one true love, and your injuries could be so bad that you'll never snowboard ever again, and because you can't snowboard anymore you take up knitting and become the National Knitting Champion. Highly unlikely but not impossible. Life happens one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one moment at a time. Enjoy that moment. Life is full of surprises, that's what makes it so awesome. I've been through some crazy shit and I've met some crazy assholes (but oh so wonderful at the same time) and I wouldn't change that for a second. What would be the fun if you could plan out your entire life from day one? How could someone live with that sort of predictability and routine. I want to wake up everyday and have something ridiculous happen to me...... some are good and some are bad. For example.... new years this last year, a friend and I decided to drive to Disneyland for New Years, the next morning we packed up his truck and left. We got stopped at the border for nearly 4 hours which delayed us and we ended up in Idaho Falls, the snow started to fall and we lost control of the truck and next thing you know, we're rolling in a ditch and his truck was written off and we were stranded for 5 days. I got a new tattoo, spent a New Years in Boise, Idaho, realized how destructive this friendship was and learned a little something about my tolerance level. I would not trade that experience for the world. I wonder if it would've been more fun if we made it to Disneyland, probably not.... not that this experience was neccessarily really fun....
I'm starting to ramble..... time to throw on a surf video to lull me to bed.
xo

Listen to Justice.

You can slide slide slippity slide, you can hip hop and don't stop, but I'll never be on my knees....

Wow, I'm just a blogging machine today!

I was asked some very interesting questions today. I was asked if I thought relationships should ever be work or if it should just make sense from the start. I pondered this thoughtfully for a second and I think that every relationship is going to need some work simply because nobody is perfect. There are always going to be things that bug you about the other person. Relationships are about understanding and accepting the other person for their little flaws but still loving them unconditionally. However, that being said, the time spent "working" at a relationship should be minimal. I will NEVER compromise who I am to make someone happy, however, I'm sure there are little things that I can work on if they mean a lot to the other person. I have been told in past relationships that I haven't been attentive enough and that is something I never realized at that point. That is not changing who I am, but working at the little things that help keep a relationship strong. If a man ever told me that they didn't like who I was, what I did, what I was about then that relationship is not meant to be. Why get into a relationship with someone if all you do is spend your time trying to change them? It is obvious that you wished you were with someone else. I know that I will never ever try to convince someone as to why they should love me. All I know is I want to look at my other half and think 'hell yeah that's my boy' and be proud as fuck that he's mine and I expect him to think the same of me.

While I was at Zellers today waiting to purchase my new down filled pillows (which I look very forward to sleeping on tonight) I saw a couple in line in front of me with their kids and all I could think about was miserable they seemed together. The woman had a bunch of stuff on the counter, peanut butter, cleaning detergent etc. The man had a case of water and a package of toilet paper. The woman then picks up a loaf of bread and says "you can pay for this too..." and flings it on top of the dude's pile and it hits him in the face. She doesn't say anything.... he didn't look too impressed. It's one of those things where you laugh for acidentally doing that while apologizing. She didn't think anything of it and he just seemed pretty pissed. I have two questions.... the first one is why were they paying for simple household items seperately? Isn't a marriage a joint partnership? Something as simple as a $2 loaf of bread is brought to attention.... is it just me or is that weird? My second question is how did this couple not laugh about her hitting him in the face with a loaf of bread? Then that made me wonder how many people are truly unhappy in their relationships and how many people have settled with someone they only have lukewarm feelings about just because they're scared to be alone? Thoughts like this make me sad....

When I was driving home today I saw the most perfect sunset so I pulled over and stopped to enjoy it. It's the simple things that make life beautiful.

My best friend told me today that he couldn't wait for me to have a child because it would be the raddest kid ever. That really meant a lot to me. However, I'm too selfish and irresponsible to have a child at this point in time.

Life is good.

Wish we'd read the writing on the walls we made around us now baby...

I don't understand how so many words of wisdom seem to pour out of my mouth when other people need me, but when it comes to my own life I can't seem to apply them.

Anyways, a friend called me up yesterday a little stressed because her relationship with her boyfriend is going through a rocky patch. He's stressed out about HER past.... once again, I mentioned this last time, why are people so fixated on things that have already happened? At the end of the day, he has to realize that the woman he is in love with is the woman she is TODAY, and unfortunately a lot of shitty things happened way back and he wasn't with her then, he couldn't help her then and she was a different person then. If the girl she is today met the girl she was 5 years ago, she would probably beat the fuck out of her. This is all part of life and all part of growing up. You learn from your mistakes and you take them and turn them into a positive. Dwelling on things in the past will ultimately eat you alive and destroy any chance you have at a relationship. I can't understand why it is so difficult for people to focus on a future TOGETHER as opposed to a past when they were both doing their own fucked up thing.

Even from my own personal experience, I can tell you the girl I am today, the very girl that writes this stupid blog would've kicked the SHIT out of the girl I was a year and a half ago when I was in the worst relationship of my life. The girl I am today NEVER would've allowed myself to be treated the way I was. It was extremely destructive and he made me forget who I was. He truly ripped me apart from the inside and killed my spirit. The worst part is I knew this the entire time we were together but for some reason I couldn't get out either. It was a tough lesson, and it was a very shitty lesson but none the less it was a lesson and now I know better. I know where and I never want to be again and I know exactly the type of person I never want to be with again.

Hooray for revelations.

Diamonds, candy pills, one million dollar bills, you can try but you can't buy me...

I ended up at Tangerine last night for the Girlicious afterparty last night, why I'm not too sure.... But that place has officially been added to the list of places I don't want to be. I was also at the Roadhouse on Sunday night and I can't remember what the appeal ever was. That place is chach city meets Skankville and the music sucks.

I'm extremely worried about one of my friends. He dwells on the past, on things he can't change. Instead of moving on he agonizes over things that have happened, and granted, they were tough things and nobody should ever have to deal with, but stressing about the past is not going to change it. I hope he knows I'm always here for him, I love you my friend.

I've recently met a pretty rad dude and I'm absolutely diggin his steez, I guess we'll wait and see.

Listen to White People by Handsome Boy Modeling School..... I forgot how amazing this album is.