While at school today, I was telling a couple of people about my weekend excursion to Red Deer and how I got kicked out of two bars in less than 10 minutes. One guy asked me why I was so pissed about it, and whether or not I had a shitty childhood and was really mistreated. No.... I can't say that I did or have been. How can one not be frustrated with the way society is these days? We all just kind of accept it, no matter how bad it is, we all turn a blind eye.
If I had gone into either of those bars with a low cut, midriff bearing shirt with the word "whore" written across it would anyone have questioned the way I was dressed? Probably not. Not that I'm offended by that, I think it's retarded, but I think it would be more likely that someone would be more offended by that then me wearing the hood of my hoodie up. I just hate how a girl can go into a bar looking like a trashy piece of shit and get royalty treatment, but if I go in wearing a tshirt and hoodie I get kicked out. Hmmmm..... interesting isn't it?
My question is how come a stupid, scandalous girl gets treated better than me? What is wrong with this society? What is this girl contributing to the world other than the furthering the sterotype that it's ok to expect everything to be handed to you because your tits are falling out? I'm pretty sure that I make a greater worldly contribution in a day then any of these girls can make in their entire lifetime. I hate these people that look down on me because I don't spend 6 hours getting my hair and makeup done everyday. I just don't care. I don't want to be friends with people who are only going to like me because I'm hot and can look down on those less hot. I've been there, I wanted to be that "hot" girl at one point in my life. I spent time on my hair and tried to look like a whore for attention, but then I stopped and looked at myself in the mirror and realized that this was not the person I am. I have busted my ass off for everything I have in this world and I can look at myself and be proud of that. I love who I am today. I will never take shit from anyone and I will always stand up for myself and I can be proud of what I have become and the person I am. The friends I have love me because I'm a ball busting, tough as nails asshole who won't hesitate to rip you apart when you deserve it.
I'm not a parent, but I can't imagine if I had a kid. I would never want to send them to school out of fear that other kids will make fun of them if they're not the prettiest girl or handsomest boy in school. Or worse, I don't want to have that kid that makes fun of the other kids because of how they look or dress.
My heart is slightly bruised again..... but it's still beating so I think it means I'll be ok. One day, I'll find an honest boy..... one day. But at the same time, I want to leave in 7 months, I don't want to fall in love and not go on my trip because I don't want to leave some boy behind. I have this dream where I wake up alone in a tent, get out of my tent and sit on the beach in my own quiet solitude and watch the sun rise. I try to imagine the same scenario with a dude sitting next to me, but it feels wrong. I don't know if it's because I haven't met anyone worthy of that time spent with me, or if I just truly don't want to be part of a twosome right now.
Lovin Lykke Li.
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